so work is kinda crazy at the moment. i am working so hard, and i feel as if i am learning alot. but its alot of pressure. some friends are really making me smile with talks of christmas get-togethers and others are really not making me feel that great, and some are just daft and funny.one of my friends isn't feeling that great at the moment. his dad isn't very well, and hes going through a rough time. its really hard in situations like this because i never know the right way to act, and how to handle it. i guess all you can do is be there for the person if they need you. he did say that having random silly sci-fi chats with him have helped him, so that's a plus.
i feel quite contained at the moment. as if nothing seems to be happening, and i am watching people past by. so my room is filling up with bags of xmas presents for friends and family, and going to start listening to my collection of awesome xmas cds. i cannot wait for xmas because its a time when you can see your old friends and family and just have such a lovely time together.
so, i was back to work today after a lovely week off. hmm, it was weird. i really enjoy my job, but when i went back today it felt as if i had been away for ages, new people, new ways of working, new layouts..arggh, i felt like that new person all over again. although, one interesting thing i found out was that i am employee of the month!!!---hehe. how random huh?? i get a gold star badge! i cannot wait to wear it! ok, geeky moment over. ok certain people are making me rather confused. i have this old friend, who keeps texting me, which, no lie, really makes me smile..but the past wasn't too good, but people can change right? i know i have. argghh i don't know...the more i think about it, the more i feel like i am going crazy.
arrggggghhhh trains!!!!!------blah. i used to love trains, not after yesterday. i know the weather was horrible yesterday, very horrible. well, on my way to visit my friends in Brighton yesterday the train was delayed, then the train hit a tree!!---we had to stop while the driver checked the train was alright, then stopped at Lewes, and had to get off at Lewes and wait for another train to get to Brighton...which was only one stop away! plus got super wet! and even more late! i felt super bad as one of my friends had come to the station to pick me up, and she waited for ages for me to get in! anyway, once i finally got there, it was lovely to see Mandy and Claire and their super happy faces. we did quite abit, went shopping down the lanes, had the most AMAZING burger in this awesome restaurant, went for hot chocolate, talked about good times, bad times, and up coming adventures, had pancakes, walked in the rain and super strong wind, it was great. just what i needed. 
so then, had to get the train home, which was also delayed...and took forever. you know when you are kinda in your own world on the train, listening to music, and writing/drawing in your journal, and after a while you look up and see that there is NO ONE AROUND AT ALL, you feel as if you are on your own on the train, alone, with the ticket guy coming around all the time trying to have a conversation with you because you are the only person in the carriage...yeah..thats creepy. well, before i was alone, there was such a super cute hot guy on the train, awesome beard, great giant hair, cute glasses, cute backpack, great trainers, make your knees-weak smile..yes, he did smile at me alot, which was rather nice...maybe he thought i was weird drawing in my journal...because the guy sitting opposite me did. although, i could smell alcohol on his breath, and thought he was gonna be sick on me at every bump the train went over.
so i have been thinking alot about things this week. sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes that's a bad thing. contacting people from the past that maybe i shouldn't, because, i mean they are in the past right?--so maybe they should stay there. or should they? but then certain people in the present are not helping me at all, and not making me feel that great. its hard when your head tells you one thing, and your heart tells you other.