Life is good

Let's hope spring really is on it's way. I'm getting fed up of the colder weather. I am excited for fresh spring days. I am feeling really happy on the inside at the moment. Life is good and we should all remember that. Even in dark times, there is always a positive. You just have to make sure you search for that to keep you going. 

I booked my flights to New York last week. OMG. I am so excited to go back. If I am being really honest the last time I went it was horrid. This feels like a really hard thing to write about, since I don't think I have ever told anyone. The people I went with made me feel very isolated and alone. It's something I have blocked out for such a long time, but it was awful. I remember coming home and my parents were asking me if I had a good time, and I remember lying to them. I love visiting America, and while I was there that time I made myself go out and enjoy my time there, even though those people were clearly not my friends or even understood me. I guess one of the reasons I love America and love visiting is because I had a real hard time there, and it made me stronger. However life is so different now. I was a kid. A kid that did not know that later in life people would be wanting to be my friend, wanting to spend time with me, enjoying every moment of being friends with me. It wouldn't be just me feeling those things. It wouldn't be one sided. I wouldn't have to fight for people to be friends with me, people would want to be. I don't feel alone anymore. 

All I can say is that those people hurt me, and damaged me inside. I honestly think those people didn't care for me back then, they probably don't even realise how they made me feel. But I am strong and have come out fighting. So this trip to New York is that trip I should have got when I was 16. In July 30 year old me is will having the time of her life with people who will be excited to see me get off that plane, and will be sad to say goodbye.